What Led to My Disordered Eating & How I Overcame It


If we dig deeper for a moment… There is always an underlying emotional reason behind having a complicated relationship with food. These are the reasons why I believe so many of us have developed a complicated relationship with food and our bodies:


  • Fear. Fear of rejection, of not being enough, not being accepted, appreciated or loved.
  • Lack of trust.
  • A need for control.
  • Societal pressure to look a certain way.
  • Losing perspective of what really matters.
  • Guilt and the belief that we are not enough.


When I was 13 years old I became a chronic fad dieter and I developed a complicated relationship with food as a result. Looking back I was very afraid of not being accepted or  loved and fearful of rejection after immigrating to Australia. I used food and weight as a means of controlling the pain and insecurity I was feeling at the time. My weight became a barometer for self love and acceptance. My worth was measured by a number on the scales. After years of dieting and years of hating on myself, I had become so disconnected to my body. Losing this sense of love and appreciation lead to a serious lack of trust.


When you lack trust in your body, anxiety is the natural result. Food control is so often anxiety-based. Because food is such an integral part of our lives, controlling it allows us to cope with anxiety around family relationships, social groups, the pressure to look a certain way, our weight and body image. Food brings comfort – in choosing to eat or avoid certain foods you feel like you have gained control. There is so much pressure in our society to be thin; from media (especially social media!) and celebrity culture. There could also be pressure in your family – comments or criticism about your weight or how you eat. Food is not meant to be so complicated.


Questions to ask yourself:

  • Where did you lose your love for yourself?
  • When did the trust in yourself break?
  • What has gone wrong along the way to make me feel like I need to be on a diet or a certain weight to be loved? To be thin to be in a relationship? Skinny to get a particular job?
  • Why do I feel the need to deprive myself?
  • What are you trying to control?
  • What is important to you? For so many years in my life I relied on what others thought of me. You have to come back to what really matters to you. How do YOU wake up and feel?


These are not easy questions to answer. And it took me a very long time to deal with this difficult topic.


How to rebuild a foundation of love for yourself:


It really is about learning to trust your body again. Dealing with that fear – of not being loved or accepted.


  • Personally, I did go to therapy for many years to uncover the reasons why I stopped loving myself and trusting myself.
  • Work on ways to rebuild your relationship with yourself. There are so many great ways to do just that. I find Yoga helps me reconnect to my body.
  • GRATITUDE – Starting to practice daily gratitude. It sounds corny – but keeping a gratitude journal (it can even be a list in your phone) of 3 things you are grateful for about your body can make all the difference. My personal gratitude practice: I wake up and actually put my hand on heart and stomach and think of the body parts I am grateful for. Think of the body parts you love e.g. Thank you for the legs that help me walk, thank you for my heart that is still beating, thank you for my brain which is thinking clearly.
  • Deal with the anxiety – Meditation and mindfulness practices are amazing for this. Try my JSHealth Pre-Meal Meditation and tips for What I Do When I Wake Up Anxious. Seek professional help if you need.
  • Schedule more YOU time – it helps you reconnect with yourself and indirectly helps heal your relationship with food. Just 10-30 mins to do something for yourself e.g. a walk in nature, reading a book, cooking your favourite meal.
  • Make a commitment to give up dieting. Dieting does not work, if there was a diet that worked we would all be on it. The only thing that does work is giving yourself permission to enjoy and love food. Remind yourself that you are worthy of enjoying and loving yourself. You have to let go of a desire to deprive yourself. If you love yourself enough – you will let go. When you rebuild that foundation of self-love you realise you don’t deserve to put yourself through deprivation and restriction, your body is too precious for that.


This is not an easy or quick fix – but it is so worth it. Love yourself. Know that you are enough. I am here and listening to you. Let me know how you go xx


My Emotional Eating Guide has more tips to help rebuild your relationship with food and your body, you can find it here.





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